


The Panopticon

by redwoodroots



Series: My Magnus Archives [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: season 4, the panopticon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23476693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwoodroots/pseuds/redwoodroots
Summary: Contains MAJOR Season 4 spoilers for The Magnus Archives!I basically redid the whole episode with BNHA characters and I hope everything makes sense.  I'll come back for any edits later, it's 5 AM.Shoutout to MiraSoraStone who helped me figure out the character cast!For those of you new to either fandom, welcome!  You don't necessarily need to know who these characters are from BNHA...except that they frigging rock.  In canon they're all basically kids training to be superheroes and save the world, so a season finale where the Magnus Archives cast tries to do that seems appropriate.  (Key word: tries.  Told you, spoilers.)  It's hard to summarize everything that's happened in TMA so far, but basically, Midoriya is an Archivist at the Magnus Institute, in a world where there are 14 major godlike Fears each seeking entry into our world.  The Institute is associated with the Beholding fear, that knows all and sees all.  The old head of the institute, Elias, got thrown in jail.  He was replaced by an evil dude, Todoroki Bad Parent, working for another fear, the Lonely (guess what that is).  Todoroki Bad Parent isolates Todoroki Soft Boi from everyone and, in this episode, makes him go down into the tunnels under the Institute where monsters and ancient architecture abound.  This is because Todoroki Bad Parent has Plans(TM), the full extent of which is not yet known.  But so far, nobody seems to like them.  Or the monsters that go with it.
Series: My Magnus Archives [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919452
Comments: 9
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MiraSoraStone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiraSoraStone/gifts).



> Contains MAJOR Season 4 spoilers for The Magnus Archives!
> 
> I basically redid the whole episode with BNHA characters and I hope everything makes sense. I'll come back for any edits later, it's 5 AM. 
> 
> Shoutout to MiraSoraStone who helped me figure out the character cast!
> 
> For those of you new to either fandom, welcome! You don't necessarily need to know who these characters are from BNHA...except that they frigging rock. In canon they're all basically kids training to be superheroes and save the world, so a season finale where the Magnus Archives cast tries to do that seems appropriate. (Key word: tries. Told you, spoilers.) It's hard to summarize everything that's happened in TMA so far, but basically, Midoriya is an Archivist at the Magnus Institute, in a world where there are 14 major godlike Fears each seeking entry into our world. The Institute is associated with the Beholding fear, that knows all and sees all. The old head of the institute, Elias, got thrown in jail. He was replaced by an evil dude, Todoroki Bad Parent, working for another fear, the Lonely (guess what that is). Todoroki Bad Parent isolates Todoroki Soft Boi from everyone and, in this episode, makes him go down into the tunnels under the Institute where monsters and ancient architecture abound. This is because Todoroki Bad Parent has Plans(TM), the full extent of which is not yet known. But so far, nobody seems to like them. Or the monsters that go with it.

Shouto followed his father’s broad back down the dark tunnels. There was no apparent source of illumination, and the walls were dark with shadows that seemed to thicken in the very air like cobwebs. But Shouto could see clearly anyway. Perhaps because at this point, he and his father were little more than shadows themselves. 

“Keep up, Shouto,” Enji ordered. 

“I am. I’m just being cautious.” 

His father snorted. “That Kurogiri knows his place around us.” 

He bristled. “Shirakumo’s the dominant personality now, everyone else seems to trust him –”

His father turned so sharply Shouto nearly fell back. His stomach dropped, braced for a blo, but his father’s eyes just glared in the dark. They were luminous and snapping with fury. 

“You’re _not_ everyone,” he said. His voice was a low, dangerous growl. “I’ve taught you to be better and smarter than everyone else. We’re on the verge of averting the next apocalypse. Don’t be so weak as to depend on others, or throw yourself recklessly into battle like that foolish Kirishima.”

“He did a fine job of averting the apocalypse at the House of Wax .”

“And went up like a candle himself, now he’s covered in scars –”

“Don’t you _dare_ speak of scars to me.” 

They locked eyes, trading fire. Todoroki could feel the air around him crackling with the power of the Lonely. His father wouldn’t Disappear him permanently; he usually just did it for a long time, and they both knew he wanted to do it right now. But they also knew there was no more time to waste.

At last his father grunted and turned away. “Just don’t lose the map.” 

Shouto glanced at it. “Why am I holding it if you’re leading the way?”

“I’ve already memorized it. That’s the level you should expect of yourself. But even if the tunnels change, I have something that will change them back.” He pulled something from his pocket. Shouto looked over and nearly froze, swallowing hard. 

“…That’s a Leitner.”

“Yes.”

“And the – blood on it?”

“Also Leitner.”

“But...Leitner’s books –”

“Are dangerous only for those too weak to handle them. Watch carefully and I’ll show you how it works.”

“No, no, I’d really rather you didn’t –”

“Be quiet.” 

His father stopped short. Shouto was forced to stop as well; there was no way past him in the narrow passage, and already the walls seemed to close in on them as his father opened the book. Shouto’s gut tightened. His hand went to the small knife he kept at his belt. His father was holding perfectly still, eyes fixed on the book. 

The seconds ticked past. 

“Father –”

“I’m reading. Quiet.”

Nothing at all seemed to be happening. Shouto almost, _almost_ began to relax.

All at once there was a tingling on the back of his neck, like little spiders were scurrying over his skin with ice-cold feet. He shuddered.

Then he heard the footsteps. 

“Father. Down the corridor. I think there’s a –”

“Yes.” 

The footsteps came closer, followed by a long, low scraping sound, like a steel blade dragging along the stone walls. Wet, half-strangled noises reached his ears, like ripping meat. His eyes caught movement. A shadow several meters down the hall, darker than the rest. Then the thing it belonged to turned the corner and a scream caught in his throat.

Not-Uraraka.

Not-Uraraka’s long, long limbs moved and flexed and scissored in a hideous parody of human movement, all its muscles flexing wrongly, twitching and writhing like bloated maggots under a skin that puckered and smoothed and opened into a million tiny mouths, mouths that opened and closed in waves over its flesh. It sprouted stringy blond hair and a long, lipless gash not quite where a human mouth would be. The teeth glinted like blades.

“Midoriyaaaaa.” Its voice hissed and crooned from the waves of mouths opening and closing. The discordant noise drilled into Shouto’s skull. “So you finally decided to let me out, Midoriya? _Midoriyaaaaaaa?”_

It creep-crawled closer, arms bent the wrong way, its shadow seeping across the moldy earth like death. 

“Who’s there?” it called. “Who let me out?” 

Closer. Closer. Shouto was having trouble seeing it now, though there was nothing wrong with his eyes. He realized distantly that his brain was refusing to let him fully focus on the shape in a desperate attempt to preserve his sanity. 

Its voice became a terrible purr, like a jungle cat with its jaws around soft, succulent flesh. “Don’t be shy. I just want to say thank you.” 

His father said nothing. Shouto didn’t even breathe. 

“Alright, have it your way. Now if you’ll excuse me…I have some unfinished business...” 

The thing's laughter came closer. He felt the wind of it touch him as it passed, but he couldn't see it. Then he realized he'd shut his eyes in terror. He spun around. The Lonely fell away from him and he caught sight of it just before it darted around a corner. It left some kind of glistening trail on the floor, a clear, viscous fluid that smelled faintly sour. Drool

He was breathing in harsh gasps. “That – that was – it –”

“Yes.”

“And it’s going to –”

“Make sure they’re too busy to follow us.”

“You’re going to kill them!”

Suddenly Shouto was slammed against the wall, his father's fist in his collar.

“I’m trying to save the world," he growled. "And you are the world’s best chance for survival. The Archivist and his little pets would all assume you will destroy yourself down here, because they themselves couldn’t do any better. They would try to stop you. We cannot risk it.” 

“They don’t even know we’re down here!”

“They do after that tape you left on the Archivist’s desk.” 

Cold fear curled in his gut. His father had noticed that?

“Your tantrum is over, Shouto. The fate of the world is not something to gamble with. If you don’t succeed, the Archivist and his pets will be dead either way. Will they die at the hands of the Not-Them, in spite of the prowess you insist they possess? Or will they die in the birth of the Extinction, because _you_ failed to stop it?”

Shouto said nothing for several long seconds. He wasn't sure how strong his powers were. Could he vanish the Not-Them to the Lonely? What if he couldn't? What if he messed up again, just like the first time he was in the tunnels and it caught Uraraka? What if this time it caught Izuku? Even if he could stop it - even if by some miracle he helped stop the Not-Them and escape his father's punishment...his father was his only lead on stopping the Extinction. The _only_ lead. Elias didn't care and even that Vast avatar had been all but useless despite his long life. His father had hoarded every scrap of knowledge and theory about the Extinction. If Shouto didn't go with him now, then it wouldn't matter if he saved Izuku and the others. Eventually, soon, they'd be dead anyway. 

He dropped his gaze. 

“Good. Come with me.” 

His father released him and stepped away, moving deeper into the heart of the maze. Shouto’s chest felt like it was slowly being crushed in the buried. It was always like this, wasn't it? His father didn't even have to manipulate him half the time. The best way to protect the people he loved was always by hurting himself.

He followed his father into the shadows. He didn’t even notice how the Lonely wrapped all the tighter around his heart. 

“Gone _how?_ ”

“The fuck do you think, you damn nerd? He pulled some Archivist shit and fucking vanished!”

“Along with a couple of guards on duty,” Kirishima added. 

“He vanished them?! But that’s not an Archivist power! If anything that’s a Lonely power, but Todoroki Enji and Elias –”

“Not that kind of vanish, moron!" Bakugou snapped. "Had some dirt on them, obviously!" 

Midoriya felt like he was trapped in a waking nightmare. A few hours ago, Bakugou had gotten a call from an old friend working the prison. He wouldn’t tell Midoriya what the call was about. Then Bakugou had taken Kirishima, Iida, and Uraraka to the prison to visit Elias. That's when Midoriya had started to worry. Still, he’d promised not to Know if he could help it. He’d just waited in his office, too restless to read statements or even stay seated until the four of them came back. And they did come back – all in one piece, too, which had to be some kind of record. Midoriya had very nearly felt relieved.

Until they told him Elias had escaped. 

Iida rubbed his forehead. “He must’ve kept some information outside of that thumb drive. That or he just pulled information straight into their heads…or put some in.” 

Bakugou snarled through his teeth. “Asshole could’ve left any time, but he just sat there laughing at us!”

“No,” Midoriya muttered, shaking his head. “No, this – this can’t be a coincidence.”

Uraraka frowned. “Coincidence with what?” 

“Shouto or – or someone left me a tape. He and Todoroki Enji are looking for something down in the tunnels.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. He called it a device.” 

“When are they going to go looking for it?”

“I mean, I don’t – I mean…n-now?” he squeaked, when Bakugou glared at him. “I mean - the tape said – and it can’t be a coincidence that this is when Elias chose to make a break for it.”

Kirishima looked alarmed. “You think he’s coming here?”

“You don’t?" Midoriya countered. "This has literally been his place of power, and even Todoroki Enji acknowledged that Elias was still the ‘beating heart’ of the place. Whatever’s down there, whatever they’re looking for, maybe Todoroki Enji wants to put an end to the threat of Elias as the head of the Institute.”

Bakugou scoffed. “Please. If he wanted to be in charge he’d just kill you, and...actually he might be after a way to do that. It would sure take something pretty powerful by now. Hell, the way you drink coffee you don’t notice if you dump arsenic in that crap instead of creamer.” 

Iida frowned. “What do you mean, ‘he _doesn’t_ notice –‘”

“I left rat traps by the creamer ‘cuz I’m sick of vermin and he ate some! He’s still kicking, back off!”

“He’s right, I might be harder to kill,” Midoriya said absently. “Especially after coming out of the Buried. But Elias has been away from the Archive for months and might be that much weaker. Maybe Todoroki's looking for something down there that could take down Elias, or me - or something else entirely.” 

“And you said they’re down there now?” Uraraka asked. 

“I think so.” 

Kirishima set his jaw. “Time to go. Midoriya, let's get your key.” 

The cavern was _huge_. 

The entire Institute could have fit inside it three times over with room to spare. It was round, with cells crammed along the walls in claustrophobic rows. The glass walls of each cell let Shouto see into each one. An odd rust like dried blood crusted the thin cement partitions between the cells. It spread across the vast cement floor until it reached the tower in the middle, which rose like the stalk of an alien eye. The rust crawled up the cement eye-stalk with greedy, reaching fingers, then cut off in a sharp line halfway up. It looked like someone had tried to sever the eye and blood had poured from the cut. A spiral staircase coiled around the stalk, continuing past the gory rust to a dark room at the top of the tower. Unlike the filmy glass of the cells, the , then dried, leaving the dark room at the top of the stalk. It was almost spherical in shape, with walls made entirely of glass. Unlike the grimy film coating the windows of the cells, the glass of that lone room was polished to a deep gloss, glinting like obsidian...or the pupil of an eye. 

And it was watching them. 

Shouto suppressed a shudder. “What is this place?”

“The panopticon of Millbank prison.” Even his father had stopped at the edge of the cavern, frowning at the room. “Not quite as Smirke originally conceived it, of course. Jonah Magnus made certain…adjustments.” 

“And it’s been down here the whole time?”

“Why do you think this was chosen as the Institute’s location when the prison closed? It’s a significant site of power for the Beholding. From the tower in the center of this room, you can see everything.” 

“But there’s nothing in the cells.”

“I said: _everything_. Come.”

His father crossed the threshold and strode sharply across the rusted floor. The place was so huge and thick with dirt that his footsteps hardly echoed at all - or maybe he'd just wrapped the Lonely a little tighter around himself as a precaution. Shouto did the same, hurrying after him. 

“Why are we here?” he asked, as they started up the staircase. 

“We will use the powers of this place to learn about the Extinction. What it’s doing, where it’s manifesting. Then we can stop it.”

“And you need me for this?”

“Yes. It requires tremendous power to harness and use the Panopticon. Even All Might failed to harness it properly. You, on the other hand, will be able to succeed because you have been touched by more than just the Eye." 

“So that’s it. The Lonely and the Watching. That’s why you isolated me after Elias left.”

“You must admit you are the perfect candidate.” 

He gritted his teeth. 

“There is, of course, just one other complication.” They reached the top of the stairs, pausing in front of a heavy metal door. “You’ll have to dispose of the current occupant.” 

“Current –”

The door swung open. Despite the black glass, the room was perfectly visible, with such jarring clarity the sharp angles of the glass almost seemed to cut his eyes. The floor was smooth and clean. The only furniture was a high-backed chair in the middle of the room. There was something wrong with it. He couldn't tell which way it was facing. It almost looked like it was facing him, but it was also facing directly away from him. And left. And right. Like an optical illusion. Shouto felt dizzy and nauseous just looking at it. He couldn't even tell for certain what shape it was.

But there was definitely something sitting in it.

Shouto swallowed. The thing in the chair wasn't moving, but that didn't mean it was safe. Or dead. “What...who is that?” 

“Jonah Magnus," his father said. "Also known as All For One. The founder of the Institute.”

" _What?_ " 

“His body, at least,” His father corrected, gazing at the slumped figure with distaste. “Sitting here. Watching. All the knowledge he can See at his fingertips, and not a shred of interest in actually using it. You will take his place.” 

“By - by killing him.” 

“You brought your knife.” 

Shouto felt sick. He wanted to run. Instead, found himself stepping slowly across the floor. He’d been attacked by too many monsters to let yet another one make the first move. 

The thing in the chair was ancient. Its limbs were held rigidly against the armrests at painful angles. Its yellow, wrinkled skin looked like hardened rock. Its clothes had become undistinguishable sacks of calcified dirt. He couldn't see the tremble of a pulse in its wrists. It could almost have been an ordinary human corpse. It had the right number of limbs, the correct rotation of the joints, the slump of its spine. Compared to other monstrosities he'd faced, the thing was almost...normal.

The only odd thing about it was the metal sculpture of ventilation tubes latched onto the metal helmet over its head, with two carefully sculptured indentations where its eyes would be. 

Suddenly his father was standing behind the chair, looming over him. Shouto jerked back on reflex. Without warning Enji gripped the helmet by its rounded metal scalp and tore it clean off. Shouto only just managed to bite back a scream.

“Where - Where are his eyes?!” 

“Exactly where they’ve always been, Todoroki Shouto.” 

This time he really did scream, whirling, knife in hand. Elias was standing in the doorway. He wore his usual black silk suit and an expression of perfect satisfaction curling the corners of his mouth. 

“Watching over _my_ Institute.”

“You’re sure?” Uraraka asked again. 

“Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t here before!”

“It’s just, there’s a lot of tapes around.” 

“And I don’t keep any of them with the key to the tunnels. It’s been left for me. We need to hear what’s on it.”

Bakugou only scowled. “Fucking thing says ‘play me.’ You are literally asking to get played.”

“At least it wouldn’t be anything new,” Kirishima muttered. 

“My fucking point.”

Midoriya waved the cassette impatiently. “It’s not a Leitner, my tapes have never tried to hurt anyone!”

“’ _Your_ tapes?’”

“It could be a distraction,” Iida put in. “Anyone could have left it. Todoroki Enji, our Todoroki, Elias, Shinso –” 

“We don’t have time for this!”

“Like fuck you don't,” Bakugou snapped. “You want to play it so bad, why don’t you just Know what’s on it?”

“It doesn’t work like that with tapes and statements, otherwise I wouldn’t need to read them!”

“Oh, give me that!” Uraraka snatched the cassette and slotted it in. 

“Hey!” Kirishima yelped. 

“Sorry, but we don’t know what our time frame is. We need to play it so we know what we’re heading into.”

“ _Thank_ you,” Midoriya said, with feeling. 

She pushed play. 

Bakugou hated his job. 

He’d wanted to be a cop his whole life. Not some fucking desk patsy, either. He wanted to be the guy on the streets getting shit done. He wanted the bad guys to know he was coming for them. He wanted to catch the scumbags skulking on corners with meth in their pockets and drag white-collar murderers out of their sorry-ass apartments and beat the living daylights out of any fucker who thought he could pull any kind of shit on Bakugou’s turf. That's what being a cop let him do. And he _loved_ it. 

Then Deku popped back into his life like the fucking bad penny he was, and suddenly Bakugou sunk so deep in Section 13 shit he’d graduated to his very own Section 14 hell. Damn nerd had even dragged Shitty Hair into his mess. But at least the sight of his partner kept Bakugou from breaking Deku's face every time he fucking existed.

Hell, they’d actually even gotten rid of Deku for a little while, and that Half-and-Half bastard had managed to stick Elias in a nice little cell with his name on it. Bakugou had almost been in a good mood. Another Todoroki showed up with a major stick up his ass, but that hadn't been too bad, since he and candy cane stayed the hell out of Bakugou's way. Even the occasional monster attack hadn’t been too bad. Shitty Hair looked fucking amazing when he was punching something’s face in. 

Then Deku came back, _again,_ and apparently decided Bakugou's life wasn't shitty enough, because he now wanted them to listen to a fucking cursed tape and then go down into the tunnels, and Bakugou didn't need the fucking Eye to tell him exactly how that was going to end.

Kirishima's hand found his and their fingers knotted together, both squeezing hard.

Uraraka stepped back from the player. The tape clicked on. The sound of sloshing liquid filled the room, then something that sounded like a door swinging open.

“All Might,” came Elias’ voice. 

The sloshing stopped. “Damn.”

Elias sounded almost amused. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I’d rather hoped you’d still be hampered with all the Dark’s business. It’s their ‘Grand Eclipse’ at the moment, isn’t it?”

“I think we’ve both come to the same conclusion about that. That’s why you’re here.”

Conclusion? What conclusion? Bakugou glanced at Deku, but the nerd had his eyes fixed on the recorder. No, not just fixed. Deku's eyes were zeroed in on the thing like he was hypnotized. His eyes were dark, way too dark, and wet, and glassy, and they were so huge they seemed to be slowly consuming the rest of his face. His mouth was hanging open, throat muscles worked oddly. Like he was swallowing but with different muscles. Bakugou's skin crawled. Was Deku _eating_ this?

All Might was talking. “I really have gotten past my prime. I used to be able to torch a building in half the time. Age catches us all. Well…almost all of us, _Elias_.”

“You were the one so insistent on staying human.”

“And no doubt that makes my death a lot less complicated.” 

Kirishima gave a short gasp. Bakugou squeezed his hand again. 

Elias’ voice took on a dark, angry edge. “What exactly where you hoping to achieve here? Why not come at me directly instead of burning everything first?”

“I was rather hoping the fire would occupy you while I did just that.”

“…I see. How long have you known?”

“About your body? Not long after you took your new host and we had our little…chat.” 

New host?

All Might’s voice lowered. “It wasn’t exactly a huge leap to the panopticon after that. The hard part was figuring out how to actually reach it. Now, with the trail I've set, I can set the entire tunnel system on fire from here. You've lost, Elias. It's over.”

“So you burn the place down, use it as cover to reach my body, and then we die together. How poetic. Perhaps the last thing I shall see will be your smile.”

“I'd die if it meant taking you with me,” All Might said. "But as it happens, I won't need to."

“And how exactly do you think you'll survive if you’re still bound to the…ha. Oh, I see. Very clever. I thought Eric was the only one to figure that little morsel out.”

“Knowledge has a way of surviving. You of all people should know that.” 

“Quite. It was a good plan, actually. If you hadn’t been so complacent about me keeping an eye out down here, it probably would’ve worked. All Might’s grand retirement.” 

“It still might.” There was a noise on the tape like a lighter being flicked. “Just needs a little spark, and –”

There came the unmistakable sound of a cocked gun. Round Face’s eyes went wide. 

“I see,” All Might said. “So you’re finally getting your hands dirty? I must have really caught you off guard.” 

“I suppose we both got a little complacent, All Might. Fifty years is a long time to wait, but I’ll deeply enjoy snuffing out the end of an era.”

“Likewise, I’m sure.” 

The scraping sound. For a second Bakugou thought he’d hear a spark, and then the petroleum would catch fire and Elias would – 

_BANG!_

There was a small, almost innocent sound, like a gasp or a pop. And then the awful solid thump as All Might fell. Bakugou could almost smell the blood, see it seeping into the petroleum, feel the stinging and the spread of numbness in his own chest. 

“Oh,” All Might said, quietly. “Oh. He was right after all.”

The silence pressed on Bakugou’s eardrums. He kept waiting for one more sound, one more word that would tell him All Might would get up again, would do something, anything. Instead there came a voice rich with satisfaction. 

“You’re not smiling anymore.”

Midoriya felt nauseated. He’d just listened to his idol being murdered. The report of the gunshot still rang in his ears. 

And yet every vein, every nerve, muscle, and tendon in his entire being felt vigorously alive. 

Iida cleared his throat. “What does that tape tell us? Midoriya?”

He jumped. “Y-yes. Right. Sorry. Just, okay, the panopticon is the design of Milbank prison, based on the –”

“All-seeing watchtower, we know!” Bakugou snapped. “Is that the device?”

“It has to be,” he said firmly. “The only other Fear I can think of would be the Buried in relation to the tunnels, but for that you’d have to be able to manipulate the tunnels themselves, which Leitner could do, but it doesn't make sense to suddenly start referring to a single book as a device besides which this is probably something to do with the Beholder since Todoroki Enji's Lonely powers are more closely related to the Beholder than the Buried -"

“And the body?” Kirishima interrupted. “Elias was talking like - like he had more than one, and All Might was after his real one. So, I mean, if Elias isn't Elias, then who -”

“All For One,” Uraraka said. 

“You mean his body is down there?” Iida demanded. “He’s just been – hopping between other bodies like a parasite?”

Bakugou grunted. “The fucker in Reyner did the same thing, it’s not like this shit is new. Maybe all avatars have multiple meatbags to jump around him. Wouldn't be surprised if Deku had one still lying in a coma somewhere, be just my fucking luck if there were two of him.”

Uraraka shook her head. “This is insane. So the device is the Panopticon? Did Eli- er, All For One escape jail to stop Todoroki Enji from taking over? He's the one who put him in charge in the first place!”

Midoriya stood up. "It never made sense from the beginning. Enji's always wanted to succeed where All Might failed: killing All For One. And he must need Shouto to do it, which means All For One will target him, too. We need to get - Bakugou?"

“All For One had to know about this,” Uraraka said. “So why would he put Todoroki Enji in charge if - uh, Bakugou?”

“Shut the fuck up!” he hissed. 

Bakugou had started sniffing the air, and now he had one ear pressed to the door. That's when they heard it. Heavy, uneven footsteps several hallways away, punctuated by screams of sheer terror. And a horrible, discordant laugh. 

The blood drained from his face. “Oh no.”

“Stay here.”

“Wait, wait!” 

Midoriya rushed to a greenish filing cabinet, kicked it just right, and popped the bottom drawer open. He’d taken to slowly building a weapons stash after Todoroki’s hoard of extinguishers saved their life. Each of them quickly grabbed a weapon. 

“I’m taking point. Get ready.”

Midoriya picked the axe he’d used to split the Not-Them’s table, saving Uraraka from its sticky center. He looked up, caught her eye, and nodded. She nodded back. It had already saved one of them, and he was hoping it would save Shouto, too. 

Bakugou counted to three on his fingers, then opened the office door. 

Shouto stared at Elias. He seemed almost like a cut-out from an ad for a high-rise office, pasted against a rotted industrial wasteland. 

His father didn’t look surprised, but he certainly didn’t look happy. “What are you doing here, Elias?”

“Oh, you needn’t worry.”

“Why, because it’s two against one?”

“What if I wanted to witness someone else’s victory for a change, Todoroki-kun? A man like me does get tired of monotony. And it might be interesting to watch my own death – assuming your little plan succeeds.”

Shouto finally found his voice. “What, wh-what? What?! How are you even here?”

“Well –”

“Don’t let him distract you!” his father said harshly. 

“Enji,” Elias said contemptuously. 

“ _Elias_ ,” Enji snapped back. 

“What is this?” Shouto demanded. 

“Come now, Todoroki-kun,” Elias said kindly. “I would have thought you’d jump at the chance to kill me.” 

“I – this is your body? You’re All For One?”

“I am.”

“But – none of this makes any kind of sense. You work with us as we stop apocalypse after apocalypse, confronting literally every Fear there is, and yet you partner with an avatar of the Lonely and won’t lift a finger to stop the Extinction from coming –”

“I’m a busy man. I have to prioritize.”

“Keen businessmen think long-term, not just short term, and avoiding more Rituals by stopping a new fear at its roots makes more sense than just stopping Rituals popping up as they go!”

“Excellent reasoning!” Elias, or All For One, said cheerfully. “But I’m afraid that’s the only information you’ll get from me.” 

“The knife,” his father reminded him coldly. 

Shouto swallowed. His blade was thin, wickedly sharp, and perfectly balanced, but right now it felt like it didn’t fit his hands. “If I…kill you, will the others survive?”

“It’s a valid question,” All For One said thoughtfully, and Shouto was surprised that he answered at all. “And the honest answer is…I don’t know. I guarantee it wouldn’t be pleasant for them, but I honestly don’t know if their ties to the Institute are quite as strong as I may have implied. You, at least, should be insulated from the fallout by your new allegiance to the Lonely.”

“I’m not –”

“And Midoriya might be powerful enough to weather it. Mina has actually left the Institute, so there’s that. That just leaves Iida, Uraraka, Kirishima, and Bakugou. Not to mention the rest of the Institute, although you can’t tell me you care about them.”

“Wh – of course I do!”

“Do you, though? Do you really, genuinely care about them? Or do you simply feel like you should? Are you just acting like it on principal, because you think it’s the kind of thing someone like you ought to feel? Midoriya can take care of himself, and the others have certainly weathered my absence fairly well. Not to mention I weathering _your_ increased distancing. They don’t even need you. Are you telling me you still care? Or is it simply an old philosophical reflex?”

Shouto felt like his whole body had locked in place. He cared. Or more to the point, it didn’t matter if he meant it or not, he still wanted to keep them safe. 

Wait. It didn’t matter if - ?

All For One laughed. “Goodness. The Lonely really has got its hooks in you, hasn’t it? But I suppose it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is whether you want to kill me or not.”

“I do.” Shouto’s voice was low, quiet, but full of a poison that surprised even himself. “I really, really do.”

“Then do it,” his father said. “You don’t need those useless weaklings. These last few months, I’ve made you more powerful than you’ve ever been before. If you fully accept the Lonely, you will become the most powerful Avatar alive. You will surpass myself and even All Might, and fulfill your own birthright – ending All For One’s era of tyranny.”

“I have accepted some of the Lonely already,” Todoroki said quietly. 

“Embrace it, my son. Kill him, and save the world.”

Shouto half-turned. The body was in front of them, and in spite of its calcified skin he had no doubt that his blade would sink straight through the flesh like it was fresh cheese. His father stood back, his chest swelled with anticipation, his eyes glittering with control and triumph. Elias – All For One – still stood in the doorway, cool and collected, the hint of a smile playing behind his cold, glassy eyes. Both men had caused so much pain in pursuit of their own goals. He had no doubt the two of them had not felt so much as an iota of remorse. Killing one, becoming more powerful than the other – in one stroke he could end it all. He could be powerful, peerless, to finally have some semblance of control and safety.

He took a long, slow, deep breath, readying his answer. 

“No.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! _WHAT THE FUCK?!_ ”

“Will you shut up?!”

“Just let him shout, Uraraka! It’s how he copes!”

“YOU SHUT UP, TOO, SHITTY HAIR!”

“This is no time for pet names!”

“Watch out!” Midoriya cried. 

Uraraka unleashed CO2 havoc on the thing just as it hurled around the corner of a bookshelf at what had to be terminal velocity. The thing screamed and shot right past them until Kirishima shoved a book cart into its path and sent it sprawling up and over like a bike that had hit a curb straight-on. 

“There’s injured over here!” Iida shouted from across the library. “Two men and a woman!”

“ _He won’t wake up! HE WON’T WAKE UP!_ ”

“Ma’am, if you can move, please exit the building in an orderly fashion!”

 _Why now?!_ Midoriya thought desperately. _Why, why, why, why?!_

Of course he knew it wasn’t a coincidence. The thing had gotten out when Todoroki Enji and Shouto went down into the tunnels. He never completely understood how Night Eye had trapped it, but whatever Todoroki did to get to the Panopticon must have set it loose. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to Know whether he’d done it on purpose. 

“DIE, FUCKER!”

Bakugou actually jumped off the top of the bookshelf and came down on the Not-Them with a fistful of flash bombs in each hand. He shoved several into some of its mouths and pressed the rest against its skin, and suddenly it lit up from the inside like a Glow Stick of Death. 

“ _I’LL WEAR YOU AND I’LL FEED YOU THE FLESH OF YOUR MATE AND KILL YOU WHEN THERE’S NOTHING LEFT IN YOU TO CRY!_ ”

“TRY IT, FUCKER, MY BOYFRIEND’S TOO FUCKING TOUGH TO DIE!”

“BAKUGOU KATSUKI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!”

“SHUT UP!”

The thing lashed out almost too quick to follow. Uraraka grabbed Midoriya and dragged him down just in time for his own axe to come flying through the space where his head had been. It embedded itself in the wall behind him. He’d lost it about five seconds into the fight, but he wasn’t sure he wanted it back with the chunks of viscera dripping from the handle. 

Uraraka was already firing over the bookshelf – she’d grabbed two guns from her own desk on their way to the library. She ducked down to reload one.

“Can I, uh, have one of those?” Midoriya squeaked. 

“You’ve fired one?”

“You never taught me!”

“You never asked!”

“ _HELLO, MIDORIYA._ ”

“Oh, _shit_.”

Uraraka fired, there were more flashbombs and then Iida was dragging him away by the collar so fast Midorya fractured his arm when they whipped around a corner and hit a bookshelf. 

“Midoriya, you need to go!”

“What? And leave you with that!?”

“Midoriyaaaaa!” Jirou’s voice sang out. 

“We want to make a statement!” Denki called. 

“The fuck are you two?!”

Midoriya groaned. “This is my life. I should have expected it.”

Not-Them was laughing. “Ohhh, hello! What’s happening here, new friends?” More gunshots. “ _Not_ new friends! Even better.”

Midoriya managed to get his legs under him and ran. He and Iida reached the check out desk in the back just in time for Bakugou to pop up and drag them behind it.

“You’re hiding back here?” Midoriya asked, with just enough brain space to be genuinely surprised. 

“Use your fucking eyes!” Bakugou pointed at a man and a woman who lay groaning on the floor, faces twisted in terror and agony. “Robot left these two useless shits over here and the trigger-happy newbies almost gunned them down!”

He winced. “Sorry…those were the two hunters I met in the Un-“

“I’ve got a brain! What’s the deal with the monster, is it your fucking ex or something?”

“Not exactly.”

“Midoriyaaaaa!” the monster sang again, followed by a wordless cry from Kirishima and more shooting. 

“You should be more worried about me, Clone Wars reject!” Uraraka shouted. “You wanna reach my level, you better pay the fuck attention!”

“Not bad,” Bakugou said approvingly. 

“It replaced her for a few months before we caught on,” Midoriya explained quickly. “But it came from the tunnels, and I don’t know how it got free but I can’t just leave you to deal with this on your own!”

“You have literally no weapons right now!”

“He’s right,” Iida said, as Midoriya sputtered. “Handle the monsters in the tunnels. We’ll handle the monsters up here.”

“But –”

Bakugou grabbed him by the collar and the back of his pants and bodily flung him out the library’s rear exit. Midoriya actually bounced before he scrambled to his feet and ran. He didn’t care about the broken bones, even the one in his arm had healed already. Bakugou was right. Whatever was happening, he’d have to have faith in his friends and just hope he could stop whatever was happening down there in time. 

Bakugou felt more than saw the Not-Them’s head snap full-swivel to see Midoriya run out of the room. Before it had even darted around the bookshelf, Bakugou was leaping up over the desk and slapping more grenades down its wet, drooling throat. One of its finger-claw-things tore a massive hole in his left arm. He must’ve shouted because suddenly Kirishima was there, beating the thing off him with a broken laptop. There was red everywhere – no, the red was flashing through Bakugou’s brain like flash bombs of pure rage. He heard a crack and looked down to see his fingers had broken chunks of wood right out of the nearest bookshelf. More gunshots and Kirishima was crouched beside him, catching his breath. He heard that chick with the guitar earrings laughing maniacally in the background

He grabbed Kirishima’s arm, and when he spoke his voice was a deep growl, inhuman cords in his throat making it thick and wolf-like. “Kirishima.”

“Dude, your arm, is it –”

“Kill me when it’s over.”

“What?”

“You fucking heard me, shithead.”

“No! I’m not –”

“You don’t fucking let me live as a monster, Eijirou, don’t do that to me.”

Kirishima stared at him, his perfect fucking mouth trembling. “But – you – can’t just _leave_ me, I can’t do this without you!”

Bakugou slammed his mouth down on Kirishima’s, drinking that sweet heat like sunshine off granite, the scars on his face like trails that lead straight to Bakugou’s heart. 

“You’re mine,” he breathed. “Don’t you fucking forget you had the best, Kirishima. And so did I.”

Then he was shooting between the half-crushed shelves, claws and fur and beast erupting from him body and soul, roaring in harmony with the singing in his blood. 

“What are you _doing!?_ ” his father demanded. 

“I’m…saying no,” Shouto said. “I refuse. Game over.” He felt oddly numb about it. Detached. His fingers must’ve gone numb, too, because he heard his knife clatter to the floor. 

“Don’t be petulant! There are bigger things at stake here –”

Shouto laughed. The sound was odd and somewhat broken. “There were bigger stakes for you. Surpassing All Might was never something I cared about, so you had to make me care, building stakes you think I’d be invested in – the world – then telling me I was above it all, trying to keep me appeased, keep me dependent on your goals for any solace I might find. But you know what? You made the stakes too high. And it just made your desperation all the more obvious.”

“The Extinction is coming!”

“Oh, I’m sure it is! But that was never what this was about. How would killing All For One put a stop to it?”

“You would Know exactly what you needed to know –”

“Really? Izuku didn’t know. I’m not even sure Elias knows. No, this is just a power play against All For One, and the only reason you care at all is because he’s the one person All Might couldn’t beat. I don’t know why Elias is so keen to sit back and watch me contemplate his murder, and frankly, I don’t care. I’m done being manipulated. However much I want to kill him…I don’t actually want to kill. I’m out.”

“You told me you’d learned what the Lonely had to teach you!”

“Honestly? I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear. That’s called a coping mechanism, Father. Children do it to survive when one of the monsters happens to be their own parents.”

His father whipped around and glared at All For One so fiercely Shouto almost expected him to catch fire. “This is your doing, isn’t it?!”

“Hardly,” All For One said, amused. 

“It’s not him! It’s not anybody. Always has been. I…” He stepped back. “I thought I’d lost _everything_. Izuku was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into had trapped me into spreading evil and you stepped right back into my life and I felt like I…didn’t want to fight it anymore. I didn’t care what happened to me anymore. I told myself I was protecting the others from you, and that might have been true, but…I couldn’t feel _anything_. I functioned on reflex. Maybe part of me hoped that doing what you wanted would be a good way to get killed. 

“And then…Izuku came back, and…suddenly I could think again. And I _wanted_ to protect him. And I _wanted_ to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, what did that matter, as long as he was safe and alive? Well –” He snorted. “As safe as anyone gets around here.

“And then you started talking about the Extinction. Saying we had to stop it. Trying to tell me that I was the only one who could. And maybe you even believed that, given how hard you’ve tried to force me into your mold for – for whatever upgraded version of All Might you wanted me to be. But the way you worked the Extinction angle so hard, trying to make it something I’d be sympathetic to, it never really made sense. 

“And then you took me down here, where no one would be able to witness your sad, vicarious little moment of triumph. And all the time I waited, trying to figure out what the endgame was. And here we are. Just a power play between two Fears who forgot that Izuku proved free will is real. Well, it is. It’s _my_ will. And I’m done.”

He shook his head. “Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed.”

All For One’s smile widened. “I warned you, Enji.”

“But you serve the Lonely! Its mark is on your soul!”

“Oh, I’m getting there,” Shouto said off-handedly. “Childhood trauma and emotional numbness will do that to you. But if this is the final test or something? Then I failed. The answer’s still no.”

His father actually sputtered. “This – you – do you have any idea what you’ve done!? The years of labor – what he is – you must realize –”

“I do. And I won’t.”

“That slimy green-haired Archivist brainwashed you –”

“He has nothing to do with my will. And besides, you were keeping far too close an eye on me for that.”

“No, that’s not – you can’t –”

“You’ve lost, Enji,” All For One said gleefully. “He played you like a – cheap whistle.”

“NO!”

“Enji,” All For One said, his voice suddenly sharp. “It’s time.”

“Great.” Shouto turned for the door, but suddenly All For One wasn’t there, and neither was his father or the body or the tower or anyone or anything at all. 

The door at the top of the stairs was open. Midoriya rushed through it, breathing hard, shouting Shouto’s name. 

All For One was there, standing in front of what had to be his own shriveled, ancient body. 

“Ah, Midoriya.” The original Archivist turned, grinning out from his host’s eyes. “I was almost worried. You found your way alright?”

“Yes, I – I did – how – ?”

“Suffice it to say I called you.”

“The panopticon,” he gasped. “That’s this place. You can see everything from here. Can’t you? You’re not just using your host’s physical eyes.”

“My, my, you have grown,” All For One said mockingly. “Yes, it’s a masterpiece of architecture, isn’t it?”

“And that’s – you? Your body?”

“Not anymore. But if you harmed it, well. It wouldn’t go well for me. Or any of your friends, for that matter.”

“Maybe it’s worth it.”

All For One nodded almost thoughtfully. “Maybe. And I’m sure in another circumstance, you would be more than happy to slice me like – how did Shouto-kun think of it – fresh cheese?”

“Where is he?!”

“That _is_ a question, isn’t it. I’m afraid his father has cast him into the Lonely, and with every passing moment he gets further away from you.”

Midoriya caught his breath. “He – what? How do I get him back?”

“From out here? Impossible.”

“You want me to follow him?”

“No, Midoriya. _You_ want to follow him. I simply want you to know that if you do so, you are most certainly not coming back. To go into the Lonely willingly is as good as dea-”

“How do I do it?”

All For One looked at him coolly. “Wasn’t too long ago. I’m sure the trail is still fresh. Just open your mind. Drink it all in. Know their route, and simply…follow it.”

Midoriya swallowed, hard. Then he shut his eyes, went into his own mind…and opened the door. 

He almost screamed aloud. If listening to a statement made him feel invigorated, alive, then this made him feel like he was being electrocuted. Every nerve in his body fried and renewed and fried over and over again. He could almost smell his brain cooking. But even the physical sensations were nothing compared to the metaphysical ones. His understanding of the world, his own identity, his very sense of self and the separation between him and the rest of the world was being shredded and dissolved in an endless vastness of understanding that went far, far beyond the known universe and into places with no doors and dimensions with no space and sounds with no source – 

A very faint clang reached his physical ears. With near-mindless desperation he clung to those few vibrations of air until he Knew where the ears were that heard the sound, and he Knew where the eyes were that could see its source, and he Knew how to move a head to turn the eyes down and he Knew that the slender little knife at his feet was one that he’d seen before. 

His sense of self came slowly back together. Knowing and knowing were the same now, and at the slightest whim he could choose to know anything and everything that existed anywhere in the universe or even past it. Instead of a door in his mind, he was submerged in a fathomless sea with bottom and no surface, an infinity of knowledge. 

But he was submerged in the sea, not part of it. And in the massive, buffeting currents around him, there was one, just a little whisper of movement, that spoke to his mind of that knife and the hand that held it and the path that hand had followed. 

And he Knew where that path led. 

He slowly bent down and picked up the knife. That was when he Knew he had hands and noticed he was shaking. 

“Very good,” All For One said calmly, and he Knew all over again that he had ears. “Are you scared, Midoriya?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“ _Perfect_.”

It was too much too fast. He Knew that. Or knew it – it was the same. He Knew/knew that, too. All the knowledge kept sweeping over him. He needed time to let his brain process it. If he hadn’t spent so many years processing multiple points of data, he might’ve stood there forever, Knowing things over and over and over as he tried to grasp it all. 

Instead he took a deep, steadying breath. He slipped Shouto’s sword into his belt. He kept one hand on the hilt to ground himself, and he knew he’d done the right thing when he remembered what a belt was, instead of having to Know it. The hilt was still faintly warm from Shouto’s touch. 

Midoriya looked again into the endless ocean of knowledge. The faint thread of current that whispered of Shouto was slippery and faint. But Midoriya didn’t hesitate. He Knew the way. 

He stepped into it. The roar of the Lonely washed over him, and the rest of the world faded away.


	2. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably won't do interludes after this one, but in the words of a certain soft badass, doing it here "feels right."
> 
> Trigger warnings for isolation, hallucinations, and self-harm. Please take care of yourself! 
> 
> Enjoy!

There was no transition. One minute, Shouto had just been standing in an underground spy center less than two meters from people who treated him like a semi-expendable pawn. The next minute he was standing on a beach with gray light falling into his face and absolutely no one in sight. 

Great. He should’ve known his father would stick him back in the Lonely for a time out. 

He took a deep, shuddering breath. He just needed to use his own power to get himself out. He reached into that shell of loneliness around his heart and pushed. The usual feeling of static and silk rushed over his skin, but nothing happened. He gritted his teeth and pushed harder. The waves came up a little higher and soaked right through to his socks, but that was all. 

Fine. That was to be expected, actually. He was trying to put himself right back in the Panopticon, but the truth was he’d rather be almost anywhere else – not including the Lonely. All he had to do was put himself somewhere he genuinely wanted to be. 

Izuku’s face came immediately to mind. His dark, tangled green curls, eyes that shone with life and curiosity, those stupidly cute freckles. 

Static – 

It was several seconds before Shouto realized he was in pain and lying on his back. He forced himself up to his elbows, groaning. There was a mark several meters long where he’d skidded over the sand. The ocean was already smoothing it out. At least the pain had started to fade. 

He sat up, shaking his head. What happened? Why had it backfired? He would’ve thought he’d have enough power to get himself out. He’d certainly cloaked himself in it often enough. His father must be using his influence to imprison him. As if that was anything new. 

“I know you can hear me, Father,” he called. “This isn’t going to make me want to kill All For One.”

There was no answer, but then there never was. Isolation was the whole point of the Lonely, after all. 

The old panic rose up and he forced it down. He needed to stay calm. He knew time could work very differently in the Lonely, and he might spend long, unchanging days here with only moments passing outside. Or the reverse could be true, and his father might come for him in the next few seconds and lose weeks in the outside world. His father had used that trick more than once and he’d skipped right over most of the last century that way, isolating Shouto from his peers in more ways than one. 

Izuku’s face came to mind again and his heart squeezed. A sudden chill washed over him. 

“I’m not losing Izuku,” he said aloud. “I don’t care what your little plans for me are. I only went along with you to protect him. There’s no way I’m letting go now.” 

Again, there was no answer but the rushing of the waves. 

Shouto sat down to wait. 

There was no day or night in the Lonely. The pale grayness shone softly over everything in a colorless wash of light. There was also nothing to do. Not even sleep. And since he couldn’t overpower his father’s abilities, there was literally no escape from the isolation. 

He knew it was important to stay occupied. He went back to the routines he’d used as a child – meditation, exercise, and mental imagery. He liked picturing Izuku working in his office, muttering into the tape recorder. Izuku had been eating less and less these days. He looked leaner, his corduroy jacket cutting clean lines over his angular shoulders. That was Shouto’s favorite one, although he made sure to rotate it among other scenes, especially ones with the other Archive Assistants. (Though sometimes he pictured Bakugou with tape over his mouth. Just for fun.)

It was roughly six or seven days into his isolation when it happened. He was practicing martial arts when he saw Izuku standing some distance down the sand. The next thing he knew Shouto was racing down the beach, shouting his name, practically gasping with relief. Izuku turned. His green eyes lit up with joy and Shouto thought he’d never seen a more beautiful color in his life. 

“Shouto!”

“Izuku! You’re here!”

“Shouto!” 

Shouto reached Izuku and pulled up short, hands hovering in the air beside Izuku’s arms. “Are you alright? Are you safe? What are you doing here?”

Izuku still hadn’t moved. He was looking directly into Shouto’s eyes, smiling. 

“Izuku? Talk to me, are you okay?” He glanced around. “Look, my father might be watching, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep him from trapping you.”

Izuku’s eyes were bright, then brimming over with tears. He was sobbing and smiling and he leaned into Shouto, wrapping his arms around Shouto’s chest. Shouto’s breath hitched at the pressure. It reached a deep, hidden place in Shouto’s brain, a place starved for touch and warmth. His hands were on Izuku’s back, smoothing over his shoulder blades, he was burying his face in Izuku’s hair and it was so soft it sent an ache right to the core of Shouto’s bones. 

Shouto came to himself with a sharp gasp. His arms were in front of him, but they held nothing. The pain in his chest was from breathing too hard. His bones ached because his body was trying to make up for the lack of stimulus. Izuku wasn’t there. He never had been. 

He bent very, very slowly, placing his hands on his knees. Like his body was made of glass and one touch would shatter him. His bangs hid his eyes from sight. His breath was slow, even, and controlled. He always made a point of controlling his breathing. 

He couldn’t do anything about the tears streaming down his face. 

He saw Uraraka next. Then Izuku again. Then Iida, who, bizarrely, did yoga next to him for a good three hours before he disappeared. Even Bakugou showed up. He mostly just shouted nonsense words, which was unnerving yet accurate. Kirishima showed up a few minutes later, trying to calm him down while he gave Todoroki a sheepish thumbs-up.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been quite so bad if the hallucinations were just visual and auditory. But they weren’t. Izuku hugged him, over and over, and it felt so good that when the hallucination ended it was like he’d been doused in ice water, and his limbs would ache and tremble for hours with the sheer need for touch. Hugging himself wasn’t enough. Neither was hugging the big black rocks. He even plunged into the water, hoping the weight of it over him would be enough pressure to help him cope. But physical sensations were muted in a place like this. He could tell that he was wet and that it was vaguely darker beneath the waves, but that was all. He didn’t even need to breathe. 

He meditated more often now. He could tell his movements were getting slower. He didn’t need to eat here, but he told himself he felt heavy because his body expected food anyway. He’d never been in Isolation this long before, so maybe it was even true. 

He stopped meditating with his eyes closed, though. The diminished sensations and darkness sometimes made him horribly dizzy, and sometimes he couldn’t tell where his body was in space. So he watched the waves instead. The light glinted off the rippling, ceaselessly faceted surface. 

He blinked hard, refocusing on the softness of the sand underneath. He brushed his fingertips idly over it. The grittiness was muted, just there enough to give it texture, and it really was soft. It was the only sensation that had never really bothered him here, because things in the real world could also be soft enough to barely feel. Like kitten breath, or the petals on a flower. Or Izuku – not that Shouto had ever been so forward as to touch his skin. 

But his cheeks looked so round and soft. Those perfect freckles. Shouto wanted to kiss each one of them. He’d brush his lips gently, so gently over the one just under Izuku’s right eye, close enough to feel the flutter of Izuku’s lashes against his own cheek. And then the next freckle. Izuku’s breath hot and sweet against his neck. One of Izuku’s arms was braced around Shouto’s shoulders, the other reaching up to card fingers through Shouto’s hair. Pleasure and warmth poured through his whole body like a salve. The sweet softness of Izuku’s cheek pressed against his lips, insisting on more kisses. He complied, tasting their mingled tears on his skin, pulling back just enough to see the shimmer of his eyes – 

The waves moved and the shimmer was gone again, the light darting away from his face. 

He made terrible noises for a while. Sounds that ripped themselves out of his soul. He burned with shame that any part of him was giving in, and was almost glad that there was no one around to see it. 

He went for walks. It didn’t matter which direction. 

He saw Uraraka again. Then Kirishima. 

The next time Izuku came, he woke up lying on the ground. He stood, walked deliberately to the nearest black rocks, and beat his arms on them until the blood flew in droplets and then spatters from his arms and hands. His clothes tore to shreds. The seeping red darkened his sleeves to black. The sand was soaked with it, glittering a dull, muted scarlet. 

But he couldn’t feel it. It was like he was watching from outside himself. He couldn’t feel the way his flesh bruised and ripped against the cutting rock. He couldn’t feel the slickness of the blood as it dripped down his arm. He couldn’t feel the pain in his hands or his arms or his bones or his chest. 

He couldn’t feel anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> my fear is Comments. Leave me some and I shall feast.


End file.
